We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
birth control should be required to get into college
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
