wrigley field is MILF paradise
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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