sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
