Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
