He uses pillows to masturbate.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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