I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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