And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
