listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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