he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
