When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
