Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
