Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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