Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
