I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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