I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
