"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
