i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
she peed on how many people?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
