therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
