Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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