I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
