Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
