I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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