Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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