im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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