Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
