I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
