I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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