next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
