And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
