I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
