one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
