someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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