we're chasing vodka with high fives
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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