im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
