sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
