I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
