you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
