I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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