Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
