White coat. Heels.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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