I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
