the new term for farting is butt boxing.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
