I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
