it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
