Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
