Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
