final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
