There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
