I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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