so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
